I would like to say for days now but actually it has been months, I have been really seeking God about some monumental things our family is facing. I have fasted. I have prayed. I have read the Word of God. What I have not done is hear the voice of God clearly. It has been a harsh season for me.
I long for God’s presence more than I long for anything else and yet I felt so lost. I have tried to cover my struggles and at times was pretty good but the longing in my heart was not satisfied. The more I tried the harder it seemed. At times in my struggle to seek God I almost felt as though I was suffocating and didn’t understand why He felt so far away.
My loving husband sent me a quote that read, “You can’t be under stress and under the anointing at the same time.” As I thought about that, I began to realize that was exactly how I felt…stressed about everything and anointed in nothing. The other night my husband played some clips from revivals across America. My heart began to leap within me. I have been in and experienced things that others have not had the priveledge of experiencing. I also realized that when the spirit was moving it was easy…it was anointed. I can’t say I resolved all the struggles I have been facing but my heart felt at peace.
The next day was my son’s birthday. I had a lot to prepare before he got up for the day. I wasn’t able to get up early and have a prayer time like I normally do. I went about my business and we went out as a family. In an establishment where we went, I started to hear God speak ever so gently. I was just there. Doing nothing exceptional and certainly not fully focused on God and yet after months of struggling I heard him speaking. Then that evening we were watching a movie and again, during the movie I could feel His leading. The next morning I went walking and felt God’s presence so close and instead of telling Him all I wanted to talk about and what I needed answers to, I asked him…what do you want to talk about today? And then I listened.
My heart feels so refreshed. I am overcome with joy because I have missed feeling so close to my Heavenly Father. As I contemplated what made the difference I thought about my own kids. I thought about times when they are trying to do something challenging on their own. Often I will ask if they would like help to which they respond, “I will do it myself.” Instead of taking over and showing them how to do the task I step back and often times watch them as they struggle a little longer.I see them push and pull and “stress” about figuring out what to do. After awhile I will gently ask again. “Would you like help now?”Even now they may say no and I walk away giving them more time but also reminding them I will be available if or when they need me. At last and often full of frustration they come and say, “Mom I can’t get this open could you help me please?” It is then that I can help. They have to get to the place where they submit to needing help.
I was thinking that maybe that is truly where I have been the last few months.Maybe God has been eagerly waiting to help and I have been so focused on achieving it myself.Maybe in my struggling to be with Him and honor Him I went right past and didn’t even know it because I was too wound up in my frustration. Maybe He gave me space just like I do my own kids, knowing I really needed his help.
I do desperately need his help and his guidance, but most of all His presence. Don’t take for granted what others have not experienced. Don’t lose your hunger to be with the one who created you. It is only in His presence we can be made complete!